What is ‘Mentoring’ and How Can it Support Your Autistic Young Person?

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What is 'mentoring'?

Mentoring often features as a recommendation for post-diagnostic support, in EHCPs or as part of EOTAS / EOTIS packages but with so many differing definitions and approaches, it can be really tough to figure out what’s right for your young person. We thought it might be helpful therefore to share our perspective as specialist Mentors on what this kind of support can look like.

While it’s impossible to capture every definition out there, here’s our take on some commonly used terms (and it’s ok if others interpret them differently!). Note that sometimes people do just say ‘Mentor’ and so it might be worth using the guidance below to ask them what their scope is and see if that aligns with what your young person needs.

Learning Mentor: Usually describes someone working towards academic aims – often overlapping with the role of a tutor or teacher.

Learning Support Mentor: May be similar to the above, but sometimes with the addition of taking a broader view of the young person’s progress. This may include support around social, emotional, and mental health (SEMH) needs. It also seems to be used for roles similar to that of a teaching assistant. 

Community Mentor: Sometimes used to describe someone who supports a young person to access the wider community – often through outings or social activities. 

SEN / SEND Mentor: May work in ways similar to any of the above, ideally with specific knowledge and skills related to Special Educational Needs and Disabilities.

Skills Mentor: A term sometimes used for someone supporting the development of specific skills – such as executive functioning, organisation or communication.

DSA Mentor: Someone who is able to work with university students via their Disabled Students’ Allowance. 

Gaming Mentor: There are some really big mentoring organisations out there who focus on gaming – they tend to approach things either using gaming as a vehicle for mentoring or they may have a focus on developing gaming-related skills and knowledge. 

Autism Mentor: Sometimes used to describe an individual who supports Autistic people and/or their family. We find this one indicates the person or organisation is rooted in the medical model of autism though so it’s worth having a dig around to find out their perspective.

Autistic Mentor: Implying the Mentor is Autistic (like we are at GROVE).

Specialist Mentor: Should be reserved for those who have developed specific skills and knowledge for their practice – for instance like we have at GROVE relating to supporting Autistic young people – we are specialists in Autistic experience, Autistic identity, neurodiversity theory and neuro-affirming practice. 

What is 'coaching' and how is that different to mentoring?

Similarly to mentoring, ‘coaching’ is also defined in various ways, we have come across phrases such as:

Autism Coach: Sometimes used to describe an individual who supports Autistic people and/or their family. Again, this indicates to us some roots in the medical model so try and find that out.

Autistic Coach: Implying the coach is Autistic.

Neurodiversity Coach: We find the language of this unclear given that neurodiversity refers to all kinds of brains and minds (Walker, 2012) but it seems to be used to describe a similar role to an ‘Autism Coach’, sometimes expanding to ADHD and other forms of neurodivergence also.

Neurodivergent Coach: Implying the coach is neurodivergent.

Neurodivergence Coach: This suggests the coach works with all neurodivergent people. Neurodivergent shouldn’t be used as a synonym for Autistic and ADHD. 

Executive Functioning Coach: This mostly seems to be reserved for working on developing skills and strategies in this area. 

ADHD Coach: There are various ways practitioners approach this role, but it is aimed at ADHD folk – mainly adults in our experience.

We tend to view coaching as a more goal-directed relationship, often shorter-term and focused on specific outcomes, whether defined by the practitioner or the young person. That said, many use mentoring and coaching interchangeably – which is why it’s so important to look beyond the language at what’s behind the practice.

What really matters is understanding the values, approach and foundations underpinning the work and whether those align with what’s right for your young person.

There are some brilliant mentoring and coaching practitioners and providers out there. ‘Mentoring’ shouldn’t be synonymous with one specific provider, model or set of practices – it should be a gateway for you to look at a range of options and find the right provider and approach for your young person. 

It is also very important that mentoring and coaching do not replace mental health support. While the role can be ‘theraputic’, it is not therapy. If you feel your young person needs mental health therapy then Thriving Autistic have a directory of neurodivergent, neuro-affirming practitioners you could look at.

GROVE are Specialist Autistic Mentors

At GROVE we have two areas of specialism:

1. Mentoring is GROVE’s specialism. 

Mentoring is not an ‘add on’ for us – it is the heart of what we do.

We have developed a Mentoring Practice Framework – a living, reflective model of practice that will continue to evolve as we learn, reflect, and grow. 

This builds upon the Neuro-affirming Foundations we all commit to upholiding and outlines how we work with our young people.

Here is an extract of our Mentoring Practice Framework:

GROVE’s purpose for mentoring is to offer a relationally safe space where Autistic young people feel connected, understood, and validated by another Autistic person.

The sense of felt safety is foundational.

‘Being with’ is as important as ‘doing’. 

Relational Approach 

  • We prioritise trust, connection, and safety above all else. 
  • Our core work is building connection and felt safety – never compliance, correction, or judgement. 
  • We show up as consistent, regulated, and attuned adults. 
  • We are supportive allies. We are not friends, teachers, therapists, or authority figures. 

 

Young Person-Led Practice 

  • Sessions are guided by the young person’s comfort, curiosity, and agenda – not adult expectations or predetermined outcomes. 
  • We do not measure success by productivity, verbal engagement, or visible progress. 
  • We adapt to each young person’s way of connecting. Conversation, shared interests, play, silence, movement, and all forms of communication are all valid. 
  • We may share lived experience or perspective to support understanding, but we do not direct, fix, or advise. 

 

Consent, Curiosity, and Reflection 

  • We practise with curiosity, not assumption. 
  • We seek consent in both explicit and implicit ways, always paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. 
  • We support young people to explore their experiences, identity and choices at their own pace, and only when they are ready.
  • We ensure that we share the most up-to-date and neuro-affirming knowledge about Autistic experience.
  • We prioritise autonomy and agency in every interaction. 

Because of these principles, the vehicle through which we mentor is guided by our young people’s interests – many need a shared or parallel activity to ‘do’ during sessions (although some also do just want to come and chat!) and that might include:

  • Gaming
  • Arts and crafts
  • Deep diving special interests
  • Creative writing
  • Listening to music
  • Playing
  • … and many, many more things!

2. Autistic experience, identity, neurodiversity theory and neuro-affirming practice is GROVE’s specialism.

Every Mentor is Autistic and deeply knowledgable – we are unique because we bring together lived-experience, academic study and a dedication to supporting Autistic young people in a truly neuro-affirming way.

We are confident that we have the most specialist team of Autistic Mentors in the UK.

Many of the team hold advanced academic qualifications in including PGCert, BA, MA in autism and we also have PhD candidates researching Autistic experience too.

We write, present and train others on autism, PDA, neurodiversity and wider neurodivergent experience.  Large organisations come to us to learn how to best support their Autistic tutees or mentees. 

GROVE’s support is grounded in lived experience and deeply specialist autism knowledge rooted in the most up-to-date and affirming autism theory and practice. Lived experience connection is so important, but we think that taking this one step further with the knowledge we have enables far more opportunity for supporting Autistic young people safely and successfully to:

– Understand their experiences from an affirming perspective

– Experience felt safety and deep connection with someone who is intentionally, not accidentally, neuro-affirming

– Develop a positive Autistic identity

– Accept themselves, the supports and accommodations they may need and feel better about who they are

Sometimes we explore Autistic experience very directly because this is what our young person wants, other times it might be more subtle through validation, modelling, mirroring and other techniques that gently offer language and frameworks of understanding.

GROVE is registered with a number of Local Authories as an approved provider and is continually expanding this. We have some limited availablity. 

Read more about GROVE’s specialist Mentoring.

 

Things you could consider when choosing a Mentor:

When exploring mentoring or coaching options, this table might be a good starting point (click here for a printable version with space to add your own priorities and notes):  

QUESTIONS

 

Are they neuro-affirming? 

  • This this blog might help you work that out. Take care to avoid neurodiversity lite (Neumeier, 2018);
  • And GROVE’s Neuro-affirming Foundations might be a useful reference too.

Do they have sound, up-to-date autism, PDA and neurodiversity knowledge? 

  • If you want to check what that includes then the glossary within this resource will help.

Are they able to explain how their approaches would be tailored to your young person? This might include aspects such as:

  • What being ‘child-led’ looks like in practical terms;
  • How they may be ‘low-demand’ in practice;
  • How they accommodate your young person’s fluctuating energy and capacity;
  • How they embrace your young person’s communication needs and preferences;
  • How they are trauma-informed;
  • Do they understand educational / school trauma?
  • Do they understand intersectionality (Crenshaw, 1989)?
  • How they are anti-racist;
  • How they are LGBTQIA+ affirming;
  • Do they understand Autistic burnout?
  • Do they understand co-occurring neurodivergence?
  • How they approach CPD and professional development;
  • How they do or do not use behaviourist approaches and their view on behaviourism as a whole.

Do their values align with yours?

Do they seem focused on accepting and supporting your young person – or are they overtly or subtly aiming to change them?

  • Watch out for terms like ‘overcoming’ or ‘managing’ autism/neurodivergence, or approaches and resources rooted in deficit-based beliefs.
  • Therapist Neurodiversity Collective have many useful blogs and this link takes you to their free printables (accessed April 2024) so you can see some specific resources and approaches (often named in EHCPs and used by other practitioners / providers) that are potentially harmful. Their work is excellent and trustworthy. GROVE is not affiliated – we just respect their brilliant work. 

How important to you and your young person is it that the Mentor and young person share neurology and lived experience?

What experience and / or qualifications do they hold?

How do they engage in reflective practice and continued professional development?

Are there strong safeguarding policies and procedures in place?

  • This should include safer recruitment and an Enhanced DBS with children’s barred list.

At GROVE, we believe mentoring should be rooted in authentic human connection – offering young people a safe, supportive space where they feel truly seen, valued and embraced for who they are.  We hope this blog helps you feel more informed as you explore what mentoring or coaching options feel right for your young person

Written by: Jess Garner (GROVE’s Founder/Director)

Find out more about GROVE’s specialist mentoring.